everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
