Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
