Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
