i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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