I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Randomize
