Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
