That's intense
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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