I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
