So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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