I wish I could teleport
where does the pee come out of this thing
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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