I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
