I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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