so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
