cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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