You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
