Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize