I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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