Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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