so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
