he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
