and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
