So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I love you. Go after that dick
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
