"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
