Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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