Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
