I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
well you can't waste a boner
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
