Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
