My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
