So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
