Sponge bath it is.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
