Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
