I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
