I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
