I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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