she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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