She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
