DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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