What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize