You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
