Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
