He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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