I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
