i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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