my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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