The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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