I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
