it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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