Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
