its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so let's talk penis.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
