Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize