in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
