I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I need water and some morals
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
