Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
