dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
