Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
