he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
