Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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