I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Fuck appropriateness.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
