When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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