I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
