There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
