I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
