all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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