Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
