I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize