Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
