it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize