oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
