high people should be assigned attendants
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We just shotgunned beers for America
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
