I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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