My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
